Ægrus Somnium

Too many people our age act like they should be our parent or grandparents’ ages. Blame it on the economy, blame it on a shitty childhood that forced you to grow up before you were allowed a childhood, teen pregnancy, or politics, it doesn’t matter. The point is, people are acting older than they chronologically are and actually developing physiological and mental maladies. Not only does that drive up the cost of healthcare but it also makes you completely unbearable and a burden to those that may have stayed in your life for the long haul.

I was contemplating with a friend at what point I started to feel like an adult and I smugly answered “I still don’t feel like an adult.” I thought about it and even though I go through spells of being tired, feeling old and yucky, I still for the most part feel like I kid and not a 30 year old mother. I still watch massive amounts of cartoons, hang out with friends, listen to music and sing along in the car loudly and with vigor to the annoyance or entertainment of the other drivers around me, and love video games and nerf guns (our family has a cache of several).

So in thinking about this I have discovered that there is a magical cure to staying young, beautiful, and vibrant and avoid becoming the crust that everyone cuts off. I present to you the 3 F’s of youth: Forts, Farts, and Finger Foods. That’s right kids. Let’s take a journey.

Forts – NEVER get old, can be made of ANY materials around the house and are suitable indoors or outdoors, with or without children, and provide hours of fun no matter how old you are.

Farts – I don’t care how old you are, how sophisticated you think you are or what your status is, you fart and it is fucking hilarious. Farts are and will always be funny. Once you admit that truth to yourself, you will unleash a beautiful relationship with your sense of humor that is unpredictable, uninhibited, and taboo, all of the things that make life worth living all thanks to a natural bodily function that is given a bad rep by adults.

Finger Foods – Chicken fingers, wings, sushi, french fries, whatever, if you can eat it sans silverware then it is fun and if it is messy it’s even better! When did it become such an unthinkable act to use your hands to eat? Human beings have the most washable surfaces next to synthetic fibers; it’s ok to get a little dirty.

There it is the secret to youth in an easy, fun size package. Now get the fuck off my lawn.

It seems that we have lost touch with what is considered intelligence and what is complete and utter chaotic bullshit. The rapid decline of intelligence in this and many other countries is not because of a single source but a multitude of complex and intertwining social impairments that are aiding and abetting our technowhorish lifestyles. For instance, people are far more likely to repost someone else’s sensationalized bullshit theories about politics and religion (and likely without reading the entire statement) on a social networking site than they are to legitimately research the subject and actually pose a query or hypothesis on their own. Now let’s not completely demonize the human race, some of you will do some research. However, I am not confident that it ever became acceptable to cite Wikipedia, tmz.com, and fox news as legitimate educational resources. I know if I tried to use any of those as sources in grad school, my ass would be in front of an academic council faster than the panties fly on Jersey Shore. And for those of you quick witted ones out there, yes I capitalized Jersey Shore and not fox news, I actually think Snooki may have more to offer than megyn kelly. Also, we as a culture are far more entertained by televised train wrecks, people in desperate situations, and dramatic tragedies than we are anything with actual substance like oh I don’t know our families? People would rather spend a night watching people’s lives come unglued on camera than spend time with loved ones. Are we so jaded as a culture that we are predisposed to feeding off of the misery of others just to get through our own miserable existences? This is what we have become, hungry for tragedy, feeding off of human suffering, and non-stop complaining about what we are unhappy with but not willing to do much more than bitch about it on facebook and ruin the newsfeeds of otherwise happy and socially lethargic people.

So what can be done to remedy this? For one, watch some real tv. Fuck whacha heard, Discovery channel only uses the really big words sometimes and the programming is really interesting. Also, books only hurt people when they are thrown by another person. If you read one it can only make you a better person. But most importantly, if you are going to open the wormhole into debating on facebook or any other social networking arena with some contrived half-assed opus about government, religion or another dinnertime taboo, remember some key points:

Research your topic – if you just “repost,” depend on fox news, fundamentalist websites, or any other resources that are not obligated to report facts or are strictly opinion based, then you are not only an idiot but will be forever cached in the annuls of the internet as a moron to boot.

Don’t write a check your ass can’t cash – If you can’t argue your points intelligently keep your mouth shut. People will test your knowledge of your topic especially people like myself and the Rev. and we LOVE morons. One surefire way to tell when someone hasn’t researched their argument and has no leg to stand on is when they resort to verbally attacking the person they are debating. When that occurs and out of nowhere you are a n00b and your mom is a whore….you my friend, have won.

Lastly, avoid becoming the victim of Godwin’s Law – If your argument for any debate involves Hitler and Nazi Germany but the context of the argument itself is not about WWII, you have just proven that you either have no common sense of your own, you lack evidence to substantiate any actual evidence of your argument, or you are some kind of sheep to a predetermined cause and at that point we bid adieu.

Maybe someday, after Apple creates and programs our new jesus christ and 5G bible, we will begin to understand what drives us as a population to social insanity. Until then, keep looking forward to Jersday, I am sure someone will pray for you.

so a majority of people have played an mmorpg by now, lots of people leave out the rpg aspects, and lots of people don’t even read the quests and just grind to to get to the high lvl’s, but if you haven’t experienced an mmorpg yet here’s a short synopsis of things you ashould know, first and foremost mmorpg is massive multiplayer online role playing game, ok, there’s like millions of these out there and your sure to find one your like, i for one and currently loving Forsaken World which is put out by perfect world international, they are like most rpg game, lots of quests to do with classes and races to play, skillsets to put points into when you level up but being online there’s thousands of other players so you get a social experience as well, and with any social aspect there comes things you need to know hence this little blurb, so lets get started:

Toon/Char: the character in the game that represents you, the character in the game you play

RL/IRL – Real Life or In Real Life, talking about your real self, your real life outside the gaming world

Noob/Newb – there are many variations of this term and it is generally meant to be a condescending term for new players, or players who don’t know what they are doing, generally used by what i like to call the “umbilicals”

Umbilicals – this is just a term i call them, you’ll never see this being used, umbilicals are players that call all other players noobs, because even though they are 30, and the game is 2 years old, they act as though they were born playing the game and were never a lvl 1 new player

Twinks – twinks are low lvl players wearing the most expensive gear, generaly given to them or they spend real money to get the gear from a cash shop which many games use now, the best part about this term is that twink also means “gay porn”, i always got a good laugh at that

PVP – player vs player, this is a server or area where everyone can attack everyone, mainly for hardcore players, you fight the monsters and the other players

PVE – player vs enviroment, players can’t just attack you unless you duel them, or allow them to duel you, much more relaxed playing

PVPlayas – another term that i use, these are people who think they are PVP but they go to PVE servers and take all the time in the world to get all the best gear, generally spending real money to have all the best gear and the right level before going into a PVP arena, they do this because they can’t really handle a PVP server and they want to look cool and great at PVP

Foremans – these are the players who tell you how you have to play, how your character must be built or YOU WILL FAIL, they are very annoying

Cookie Cutter – a cookie cutter build is generally the build the everyone uses for a class because it’s known to work, called cookie cutter because it’s all the same, mass produced kinda idea

Bot – bots are programs that allow cheating, they move a character around and automatically do things such as harvesting, mining, killing, generally if you get caught your account is suspended and IP banned

Instance – a dungeon you go into with a group or in some occasion solo and it will only be your group or you

Run – generally what you call doing an instance, like, we’re doing a so and so run

pwn/pwned/pwnage – almost forgot this one, i HATE this one with a passion, at one point in time someone went to say they “owned” something, as in destroyed it, beat it completely and utterly but mistyped it, and it became a phenom in mmo’s and games everyone, now here’s where it gets fucking AWFUL, people SAY the word in real life they literally speak it and say “powned”, i want to physically hurt these people

aside from acronyms there are a few more things you will notice with the people, most tend to be cliche basement hermits, living in moms basement, you can tell this by the way they act, 50% of the female toons are male players, most of them will not talk or do anything until a (if in a guild) guild superior comes on, then they’ll be all helpful and nice to try and gain respect and higher rank, they think this is some kind of actual social standing, and lastly they will do the same thing if a female toon with a real female player comes on

that should be a good start, you’ll learn more as you go like all the dungeon acronyms of the game your playing and stuff

so fox news has an article on their website from a “Doctor” advising everyone to not watch Dancing with the Stars because Chaz Bono is going to be appearing on it and as many know underwent plastic surgery and is on male hormone pills. If you don’t understand Chaz is transgender, now I myself am not 100% sure how far along in the process Chaz is but more power to him. And the reason I put “news” and “doctor” in parenthesis is because we all know fox news is completely biased and not real news so I’m doubting the credibility of their Doc as well, although they must be taking their definition straight from the dictionary (news>journalism>presented with a slant). Now the thing I find interesting about the article, aside from the obvious anti transgender in it is that he uses the guise of protecting the children, now I’ve talked to therapists for a very long time and hiding children from the real world, sheltering them from the truth, is not anything I’ve ever heard of as a good thing. Secondly the part I find humorous about this is it’s fox news posting it, they are oh so concerned with protecting your children and they air one of the most racy shows on tv today, Family Guy. Now before you jump at me with “Family Guy isn’t for kids” think back several years to the smoking campaign issues when camel cigarettes had to pull Camel Joe from the ad’s because it was explained and determined that cartoons are “in fact” expressly directed towards the marketing of children, also find a child today who hasn’t seen it, yes there are a few but not many, I think seeing Chaz on DwtS and learning about real people and the real world should be the least of Fox’s concerns while they are showing kids a baby running around killing people, getting drunk, talking about sex, and ambiguously gay.

p.s. – I intentionally did not link to the article so as not to give them back links and boost their site, you’ll have to search for it yourself

ADDENDUM

it seem’s fox news has pulled the article so if you can’t find it here’s the article in full:

“Inside the Mind of Chaz Bono
By Dr. Keith Ablow
Published May 17, 2011 | FoxNews.com

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono, has undergone gender reassignment surgery and now asserts she [that’s right, she] is a man. She now wants to be called Chaz.

She has written a tell-all entitled Transition: The Story of How I Became a Man, and has appeared on “The David Letterman Show” and “Oprah.” A documentary about her journey called Becoming Chaz premiered on Oprah’s OWN network. I know my thoughts on this matter will be politically incorrect, but they are entirely biologically and psychiatrically accurate.

First, Chaz Bono is not a man. She is a woman who has undergone radical surgeries and is taking male hormones in order to look like a man. That isn’t a political position, it’s a biological reality. Chaz Bono wants to be thought of as male, but she is not male.

You may disagree with me on philosophical grounds, arguing that behaving like a man and feeling like a man is tantamount to being a man, but that argument does nothing to change the biological reality.

Second, while Chaz Bono may now feel that her journey toward self-acceptance has ended, I am not convinced. I say this because, absent the gender politics involved, I was taught to consider Chaz Bono’s contention that she is male as a psychotic delusion—a fixed and false belief.

Psychosis is not a predictor of long-term emotional well-being or stability.

Mind you, I am not judging Ms. Bono. But there is nothing substantially different from a woman believing she is a man than there is about a woman believing she is a CIA agent being followed by the KGB (when in reality, she is, say, a salesperson at J. Crew).

Very few people, if any, would suggest that the proper treatment for such a woman would be to have the Central Intelligence Agency make her an honorary agent and hire a few former KGB agents to chase her around town. While that “treatment” might make her more comfortable for a while, bending reality to conform to a person’s psychosis just wouldn’t be a good idea. For one thing, it would make us all lose our sense of what is real and true. For another, it would simply perpetuate the woman’s underlying psychiatric illness.

Very few people, if any, would suggest that the way to treat someone who is petrified of death and insisting he is turning 16, not 61, would be to throw him a Sweet Sixteen party. Good psychiatrists, in particular, would be burrowing to the roots of the man’s discomfort with aging. If necessary, medications might be prescribed.

I once treated a woman who believed her children had been replaced by masquerading doubles and another who believed her parents could hear her thoughts through listening devices implanted in the walls. I did the hard work of getting to the bottom of those psychotic symptoms. I certainly didn’t hang up “Missing” posters with the first woman or start smashing holes in the walls of my office with the second.

Delusional disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. Paranoia (as in, the CIA example) can require extensive psychotherapy and anti-psychotic medication. Sometimes, that isn’t even enough. So you can imagine that believing you are a man when you are a woman could require even more vigorous and dedicated attempts to alleviate the psychotic person’s symptoms.

Is surgery to remove a woman’s breasts, close her vagina and create a makeshift penis for her really so very different (other than being far more permanent)? Is it really likely to yield a “cure” for a woman’s delusion that she is a man, or vice-versa? Does it really reach the depths of dissatisfaction, which create gender identity disturbances, to begin with?

I don’t think so.

I think Chaz Bono, who is, in fact, a woman, will not escape, through surgery or manipulation of hormones, suffering that is far more than skin deep.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team. Dr. Ablow can be reached via email at info@keithablow.com and his team of Life Coaches can be reached via email at lifecoach@keithablow.com. You can also visit www.keithablow.com for more information.”

and there you have it

 

 

My turn…

Because I nearly choked on my coffee this morning when I read that disgusting piece of tabloid trash (which in and of itself is a sin…Thou shalt not soil nor spoil thine caffeinated life essence), not only did I feel the need to post it on Facebook for all to see and feel the squishy parts of their eyes melt along with mine. But I also felt compelled to write to the author to unleash my educated fury onto him and demonstrate how clearly his PhD must have been obtained with a Bazooka Joe catalog or 500 Mallo Cup points.

Keith Ablow or whomever is unfortunate enough to read his email for him:

I am absolutely appalled by your purely uneducated and bigoted opinion of Chaz Bono in your Fox News commentary. Children are not stupid creatures that need our pity and constant coddling.  They are intelligent people.  They are capable of compassion, love and above all understanding, especially if taught in a home filled with love and acceptance of all things big and small, gay or straight, transgendered or not.  Hate begets hate and it has nothing to do with God. It is really no wonder that Christians believe the end is coming, look at what people say about their God and his beliefs about his own creations. A true God would never hate what he created of his own image. I can imagine how disappointed and ashamed God must be in his creations for how they have sullied his teachings and killed and tortured and used the media to breed hate as you are doing. Children will not enter a state of gender panic from watching a television show, that is simply a moronic statement.  My daughter is 5 and has been to gay pride rallies. She knows the difference between a man and a woman, she can identify a man in drag and when she sees Chaz Bono she sees a man. There is no confusion and even at her age you know what, she accepts them all as people that’s the extent of it.  Adults are who put labels of hate and disgust on the LGBTQ community, not children. Children see the world and its’ people with love and equality, something you obviously know nothing about, and no amount of education will ever teach you that and I feel truly sorry for you and any other pathetic soul you may influence. May your God have mercy on your soul. As for me, my 5 year old, my husband and I will be watching DWTS, voting for Chaz Bono if he performs well, and supporting equality as fiercely as ever because people like you make it so necessary.  People like you are the real life monsters in this world, not the gays and lesbians and transgendered people trying to scratch out a living and make a niche for themselves in a society full of hate.

Sincerely,

OMFG iPage strikes again, i removed our cc info and checked all the stuff to remove auto-renewal and to stop my account, today i get email saying it’s time to pay, really?!?!, me telling you i’m leaving, cancel my account, pulling, and then deleting all my data, removing my cc info, clicking do not auto renew wasn’t enough i really needed to fucking call in to reconfirm my cancellation?