Ægrus Somnium

I noticed a friend liked (because we cannot be fans of anything anymore) The toilet paper goes OVER the roll when you replace it, not UNDER!  I laughed and thought that was absolutely absurd (as most Facebook pages are) and that only old people I knew or those with OCD of the Marc Summers variety have ever really made any kind of blatant argument that there is a rule to putting toilet paper on a roll.  Then, I saw the commercial for the new Cottonelle Roll Over.  This is apparently a really big deal and I couldn’t give a fuck less about it.  In fact, I am actually sickened that people make such a big deal about this kind of trivial bullshit. Really?  You are really going to bitch about toilet paper?!?  I found out I actually know people who will change the roll around at OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES!!! Side note* If anyone ever changes the roll direction on my toilet paper no matter what direction it is in, I will go to your house and give your toilet an upper decker, then you can use all of your “rolled over’ toilet paper to reach in and scoop it out   Is you life so fucking perfect and so free of worry that you can only find meaningless things to bitch about?  Whatever happened to getting pissed off at the Senators who spend all of our money fucking their secretaries and throwing them off of bridges, or that people are more than willing to donate to Haiti while children starve in our own country.  That is stuff worth fighting and bitching over.  We as a species get caught up in so much drama and circumstantial bullshit that we actually cause upon ourselves and forget what is truly important.  The worst realization about this is that the people who do this on a regular basis are likely those who are superbreeding, government leeches and the other percentage of that population has 10% of the world’s wealth and has the power to stop the terrible shit in the world that should matter.  But I digress, the world has gone to shit and Cottonelle is mass marketing and catering to the absurdity.  It’s really no wonder that when I mentioned the bad parenting in a Chef Boyardee commercial that just about everyone I talked to only noticed it after I said something >_< Epic fail for humanity.

so the woman piece is gonna be writing on the site now as well, and she better do good or she might “run into the door” a few more times, but anyways, she’ll be posting now so enjoy her posts, and my pain since she forced me into this situation, this was not a decision to be made lightly, see, i was forced to wear one of these until i told her she could post:

until i told her she could use my site as well, sorry, “our” site, and my dear friends, i held out as long as i could as the title of this post illustrates, but only those who have worn one of those evil, menacing, maniacal devices knows the pain of getting aroused while wearing one, and she made sure that there was porn on every tv, porn pictures everywhere even in the fucking fridge, she even went as far as to put porn audio on my ipod in place of all my old songs (thousands) and took the time to keep the songs real names, fucking E VILE

THERE IS NO SUCH GAME AS PUNCH DUB!!!!!!! this is the destruction of another fun childhood game, we must stand up and fight back “punch buggy” is the one and true version, thats it, if your ever with someone and they hit you and say “punch dub” even if it is a vw beetle, or they hit your for a VW other then a a Beetle you hereby have my permission to punch them in the face for the next car you see, then just say “hey, you said fuck the rules so i say fuck the rules”, i’ve seen the fucking commercials pushing the corrupted version of the game and frankly i’m disgusted, DISGUSTED I TELL YOU! is nothing sacred anymore, whats next, hide and go seek without the hiding or counting, we just sit on the couch together and say found you? paddidle with both headlights on or off? you people that ply “punch dub” disgust me, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DISGUST ME!!! FUCK YOU!!!

p.s.-if you call “punch buggy” “slug bug” you come from a line of slave owners and you should be ashamed of yourself, ASHAMED!!!!!!

ok, 2 updates in a day, woohoo. i was watching a show on tv today, some monsterhunter show or something on the history channel and they were looking to see if pythons live in nyc and florida and they found like one little baby in nyc so it was inconclusive there and found a few in florida so they think they do in did now habitat southern florida and they were like terrified at handling the pythons so i feel i must inform my readers on what to do in case you may one day find yourself 1 on 1 with one of natures deadliest hunters.

1. do not panic, these things are pure blooded killers as the tv show as the tv show made them appear anyways
2. very very very normaly walk away
3. this is VERY VERY VERY important DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT for whatever reason lie on the ground in a dormant position long enough for the python to coil about you and crush you

*sigh of relief* ok, now that we got that covered you can all sleep better, the fact is they made them out so much worse then they are, pythons are non venomous constrictors so just walk away, if your too big to eat it’s pretty much a 100% chance it’s not going to bug you unless you provoke it, yes they do bite, yes it does hurt, and the teeth are curved so you gotta wait til it lets go or if someone is with you have them pry the mouth open as you push whatever has been bit inwards to force the teeth out and jaw open and basically don’t let it wrap around you, very simple, they had 2 guys catch one, put it in a box and then were all like freaking out like they just caught an Inland Taipan, the worlds most venomous snake (one bite has enough poison to kill 100 humans)

again with serious posts, starting to get tired of people, people near and far, tired of double faces and all that shit, i’m 30 and it feels like i’m in a room full of toddlers at times, i wanna grab a hammer and start smashing these porcelain masks to see whats behind every one of them, see what peoples real agendas are, and it’s great that people think they are hiding stuff, the things i’ve seen, the friends i have, the things i’m going through, nearly everything comes out to me, the amusing thing, and this has happened for years, people become friends with someone i’ve know and been good friends with for YEARS then say something and not expect me to hear, seriously?, i don’t stay friends that long with people i don’t trust, the fun part is sending bullshit back down the grapevine to ruffle feathers lol, then i go my psychiatrist fucking things up for me because he’s an asshole, gee, he doesn’t have enough going wrong lets throw a speedbump here, and lets see, another speedbump here, and during court i got to see what he wrote about me, one of the questions he had to answer is if i was faking, ok, well, it was written more technical then that and he replied “i can’t answer that at this time”, fuck you buddy, yeah, i’ve been faking all of it since i tried killing myseld at 16, these scars all over my arm and chest are actualy special fx, all these pills i’ve been subjected to were just candy and all the hospitalizations i was actually on vacation, shhhhhhh, so if you have issues take your mask off and speak up, on an amusing note we all went out and played mini golf today and some idiot kids who don’t seem to have been parented too well or who most likely just weren’t being watched enough at the time were running all over the course and climbing on everything came running past and one ran right across our “green” as we were playing and jackie just laid down the law it was hilarious