Ægrus Somnium

has anyone caught the show “haunted collector” on syfy yet, damn this guy has a great racket going. if you have yet to see the show this john zaffis and his team of paranormal investigators help families who have hauntings by going into their houses and investigating to find the cause of the haunting, his theory is that the haunting is because a spirit or entity is attached to an object. now here’s where things get fishy, the first thing he generally asks about is antiques and heirlooms, ok, kinda makes sense, they’d have been around and collected lots of memories and such, now if your good, and I was hitting 100% you can tell at this point in the show what his going to swindle out of the poor person, generally just look for one of the more expensive antiques, and yeah, he’ll make sure he gets it. so they do a whole “investigation” and in one episode, I think it was the new episode from last night he went to this guys home and instantly locked onto a cane gun, and of course the emf chirps on it, but barely, and when they remove it from the wall which may have wiring in it nothing happens from the emf detectors, yet at the end of the show he says he doesn’t think the cane gun has anything to do with the haunting, yet still brings it to a gun dealer to get looked at, you see a little of it but you know he’s getting the fucker appraised, because he brings every other item to antique dealers and the like as well, he finds out it was made in france in 1870, then holy shit research turns up AFTER the appraisal that there was a shooting in 1870 with a cane gun in brooklyn and there was only a handful of cane guns in the area at the time of the shooting, and it just happens the owner picked the cane gun up at a swap meet in brooklyn, a lot of time has passed since 1870 buddy, you think that “handful” are the only ones around in brooklyn anymore?, but he wants it out of the house and gives it to john to put in his museum, in a quick search I snagged this snippet from a website:

“Gun canes are one of the most popular gadgets an antique collector can have in his or her cane collection.
Not only is the gun cane popular, but at a recent cane auction, a Remington gun cane from 1875 sold for more than $10,000!”

in another instance there was an antique heirloom musical jewelry box that had been passed down to this young woman and she was hearing bumps in the night, of course knowing anything about antiques he zeroed in on this because it had wood inlays and it was old making it $$$, so when he came back with an EVP from her mother just saying “purple flowers” he gave her this talk about just having this music box was opening doors to allow other entities in, what a con artist, it’s not like she’s dabbling with ouija boards, or occult shit here the god damned thing is just sitting there, she’s just hanging on to a family heirloom, so after the talk of opening the door and letting bad things in of course she hands it over for his museum, this guy is making bank and has all the people on film telling him to take their valuable items

ok, so harold camping is at it once again, instead of admitting he was just a crazy old man he changed the date of rapture to the date the world was supposed to end and says that we’re all being judged from the original date (may 21st, 6pm) until then, I love people like him, they make the world fun. now I have an idea to make the world fun for him, well, even more fun since I’m sure in his head it’s a fucking blast, so here’s the plan, he said the error was in his calculations, yet again, so what I think we should do is all go to our local dollar store and buy a cheapo calculator and mail it to him so he gets bombarded with calculators to help him get the proper date once the rapture doesn’t come in october, or maybe he can calculate it properly before the october date and give us a real date, below is a copy of a letter that can be copied and sent with the calculator along with the address to his radio station:

———————————————————————————————————-

Dear Mr. Camping,

    I am a devout Christian who says my daily prayers and attends church weekly, I also listen to your broadcast via the web as often as possible, I fear for my immortal soul and those of my friends and family as well. I fear that we may not be prepared on the day of judgment and am doing everything possible to insure my family’s salvation such as living as meagerly as possible. All excess money that comes into our household is donated to our local church branches to help those in need and we do not rely heavily on technology since we believe science to be a sin brought about by the devil to lure us away from the one true lord, amen. On two separate occasions now we have sat together as a family praying waiting for the rapture only to feel we have done something mortally wrong, thank the Lord it wasn’t time for the true rapture. My wife, my now grown children, and myself truly believe in your cause and wish to know of the true judgment day and hope this might help, may the Lord bless you and protect you forever in his holy light.

Blessed in God’s Divine Light,

———————————————————————————————————-

Family Stations Inc.
290 Hegenberger Rd.
Oakland, CA 94621
attn. Harold Camping

there, that should be horribly tacky enough, if you want to join the cause to help camping get a correct rapture date and mail off a calculator to the address above, feel free to copy that letter and sign your name or some bogus ass name below the “Blessed in God’s Divine Light,” line, and if you have any friends with enough humor to do so as well send them this page, or email the content or whatever you choose to do, lets see if we can give the poor guy a hand , enjoy

Addendum: there is also now a facebook event for this, join the fun: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=169077369818518

• another fallacy added to the list
• close minded fucks
• bigotry
• emo fags
• sissy pants
• nascar
• human race in general
• war
• poverty
• american gov’t
• gerbils
• religion

I’m just bored I suppose, don’t you love how I put close minded, and bigotry in there and put all the stuff I hate lol, the truth is yeah I do hate and/or dislike many things but I don’t force my opinion down people throats, if your religious and you believe more power to you, I may think your absolutely wrong and say so here but I’m not chasing you down and forcing it upon you, I don’t run out and beat up an emo boy wearing sissy pants(skin tight girl pants), though I must admit, I do laugh at that sight, but those are my opinions and mine alone I suppose, your just wrong and going to hell for not believing them, that’s your choice though and I hate you for not conforming to whatever whim I may have, feel free to comment with things that I left off the list, there are a lot more

it is the eve of the rapture and there is some very important stuff that should be known, and I feel I should be the one to tell those who don’t know, you know, being an ordained reverend and all it’s my place to do so. ok, so before tomorrow comes and you just sitting around talking to a friend and the clock strikes six and poof he’s gone, you should understand whats supposed to be going on,  this is to the best of my knowledge anyways, at 6pm, not sure what time zone god is going by here, is it still god or are we still throwing god out the window and saying jesus is a schizophrenic and his own father who yelled to himself while nailed to the cross? anyways, back on track, at 6pm all the non sinners, maybe even light sinners will poof and be whooshed away to the promised land and the sinners will remain for five more months until oct. 21 when god blows up the earth and universe, so all of you people stuck with me get to fucking rock out and party like its, well, not like, til the end of the world, rock on!, so here’s a list you NEED to read to be prepared

1. tonight and most of tomorrow, or at least from 5:30pm to 6 pray to all known gods, get a list from wiki it’s the most reliable source, why all, because every religion says it’s right and you DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RAPTURE!

2. wear clean underwear, you don’t know where the fuck you going, you want to be presentable, bring an extra pair as well in case you shit yourself during the “whooshing”

3. harold camping who predicted the rapture will happen tomorrow predicted it would also happen in Sept. of ‘94 so if you really hold any faith in this and believe him and really honestly think he’s right then guess what, he was probably right back in ‘94 and we’re all sinners stuck here and he can’t handle the fact he was one of us sinners, which explains the new date, he’s hoping for a mulligan

now, my belief is that he accidently drank from the kool-aid meant for his followers before predicting this instead of drinking from his glass of water, but that’s just me, rev. halo signing off

addendum: i forgot to mention this, in camping’s rapture prediction, if someone died before the day of rapture, you will not be affected by the judgment, so the day of judgment finally comes but fuck off, you died too soon you dumb ass, you stay dead

oh metacritic, you will be missed, i always went to metacritic for movie/game reviews to see what user’s/viewer’s thought, not paid/bribed reviewers, it seem’s the days of metacritic have come and gone, i went to see what the reviews for the remake of “I Spit on Your Grave” were, btw this movie hardcore exploitation at it’s peak and should never have been remade i think one review knew it was a remake, and he said it was n where near as bad as the original, they just extended the harsh scene and added more gore, and this is the part of metacritic that appalled me, the user CarlosAugusto15 gave the movie a 9 out of 10 with this review “The movie is good. I have not seen yet, but I saw the trailer, it will be good. A cool suspense, the actors are great, this movie has suspense from beginning to end.”, fuck you, your piece of shit, thank you for destroying the rating system on what was a great rating site, may you walk from your house, be dragged several country blocks, not be noticed as your body comes lose from the car, several dogs run a chain on your corpse, then small rodents and insects proceed to make a home of your corpse and feast upon it until there is nothing left and the a ditch becomes your unmarked grave