Ægrus Somnium » Random

I love me some email scams…

Pariah — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 19:21:15 +0000

so i got a new one, i get lots because of this site and my e-mail address right on it so i may have to hide it somehow, although it’s supposed to be hidden by some plugin i have, guess it doesn’t work so well, i got the fbi wanting to give me money, and middle eastern men, and ryalty, i’m gonna be filthy stinken rich, but this one was a nice one, a religious one, here is the letter and my reply, enjoy:

“My Dearest in christ,
My name is Mrs. mariam touray a nationality of Kuwait. I am married to late Mr. Emma touray whom worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year Octorber 2003. We were married for twenty years with a child. He died after an illness that lasted for four weeks. Please I know this may come to you by suprise , because you did not know me, I needed your assistance that was why I write you through divine direction, it is my desire of going into relationship with you.

Before his death we were both born again Christians.When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of (Ten Million U.S.Dollars) with one of good banks here in Cote d’Ivoire Presently, this money is still with the bank. Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to my cancer problem,though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.I want a person or church that will use this fund to churches,orphanages, research centres and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.
The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I have a child that will inherit this money but my son can not carryout this work only because i and my late husband decide to use some of the money to work for God and live some for our son to have a better live.our son is just 17yearold now and been grow up in africa, he have low manterity and my husbands relatives are not Christians and I dont want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers,I dont want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I will like you to understand that my contact to you is a divine direction from God , I don’t want any of my husband family relatives to receive this money but I know that With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance/bank. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I live a life of a worthy Christian.Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth,Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here and Please I will like you to contact me Immediately you receive this mail so that I will instruct the Bank to ! transfer this fund into your account.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Mrs. mariam touray and Son Johnson.
mariam.touray@mail.mn”

wasn’t that a nice letter. well, i reply now and then, sometimes i twist one of the other letters and send them back an offer, this time i just offered some helpful advice to the scammer

“My Dearest in christ,
I am very anti religion and would get the utmost pleasure out of not helping such an obvious scam especially one using religion as a ploy, may you be blessed in your many ridiculous attempts at scamming idiots out of there money, keep up the religious route, those people are usually the easiest to scam, hell, they freely hand over their money weekly.”

don’t hate the player, hate the game, peace nigga

Hiding your prisoners, captives, slaves…

Pariah — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 04:53:26 +0000

so i just got done flushing a healthy serving of food to my captives in the septic tank, it’s a good place for them, it’s not to deep for a night dig, it’s out of site, cement walls and "water" to dampen the sounds, for added security i put cinderblocks on their thighs and superglue a snorkel in their mouth, its a bit more work because you gotta do a bit more monitoring and make sure they understand to swallow the "food" thats around them through the snorkel then blow out the extra so they can breath, and make sure the levels don’t get to high to get up past their nostrils and such, but a little night vision webcam helps with that, obviously this portion needs to be taken into consideration while building the septic tank, and you do want to build it yourself, but you want to run the wires IN the cement so they come out beneath the septic and into your house through some kind of thin durable casing, into your basement and through your walls, if you do it all willy nilly the wires will be seen and your a dumb fuck who deserves to be caught, and thats all i’m saying on this subject

WaveRace… seriously!

Pariah — Sun, 23 May 2010 21:03:03 +0000

ok, so during a format a few months back, and an os change i, being a dumbshit, forgot to backup my game catalog database and am going through today with my little catscan barcode scanner adding them all back to the database, and behold, an interesting surprise. Now for this surprise to make sense we have to go back nearly 10 years or something like that to the days of the N64, now we used to do a bit of the underage drinking and try and play tetrisphere on that sucker, yeah, that went well, but golden eye rocked, anyways, back on topic, every single 3rd party memory card we bought for the N64 came with a savegame file for WaveRace 64, we never understood this, no flash forward to today, I’m scanning my games into my collectorz program and the game Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life scans up as WaveRace: Blue Storm, who the hell out there is trying to force WaveRace down our throats, it’s a fucking conspiracy…. A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!! all making me type in the numbers below the barcode and shit because the actual barcode doesn’t match the number sequence WTF!

Tractor Closure Therapy….

Pariah — Tue, 04 May 2010 03:11:52 +0000

the title doesn’t make any sense so ignore it, i just feel like being angry at myself right now because stupid shit triggered my anxiety then i remembered the movie the cell where she could go in peoples heads and help them, they need to make that shit a reality, i want to get inside my head and beat the shit out of a physical embodiment of my issues, wouldn’t that be awesome to do, yeah, thats actually all i have to say, i’ll have a real update soon, something stupid as usual

Over/Under/Insert Here

Malice — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:19:00 +0000

I noticed a friend liked (because we cannot be fans of anything anymore) The toilet paper goes OVER the roll when you replace it, not UNDER! I laughed and thought that was absolutely absurd (as most Facebook pages are) and that only old people I knew or those with OCD of the Marc Summers variety have ever really made any kind of blatant argument that there is a rule to putting toilet paper on a roll. Then, I saw the commercial for the new Cottonelle Roll Over. This is apparently a really big deal and I couldn’t give a fuck less about it. In fact, I am actually sickened that people make such a big deal about this kind of trivial bullshit. Really? You are really going to bitch about toilet paper?!? I found out I actually know people who will change the roll around at OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES!!! Side note* If anyone ever changes the roll direction on my toilet paper no matter what direction it is in, I will go to your house and give your toilet an upper decker, then you can use all of your “rolled over’ toilet paper to reach in and scoop it out Is you life so fucking perfect and so free of worry that you can only find meaningless things to bitch about? Whatever happened to getting pissed off at the Senators who spend all of our money fucking their secretaries and throwing them off of bridges, or that people are more than willing to donate to Haiti while children starve in our own country. That is stuff worth fighting and bitching over. We as a species get caught up in so much drama and circumstantial bullshit that we actually cause upon ourselves and forget what is truly important. The worst realization about this is that the people who do this on a regular basis are likely those who are superbreeding, government leeches and the other percentage of that population has 10% of the world’s wealth and has the power to stop the terrible shit in the world that should matter. But I digress, the world has gone to shit and Cottonelle is mass marketing and catering to the absurdity. It’s really no wonder that when I mentioned the bad parenting in a Chef Boyardee commercial that just about everyone I talked to only noticed it after I said something >_< Epic fail for humanity.