Ægrus Somnium

Too many people our age act like they should be our parent or grandparents’ ages. Blame it on the economy, blame it on a shitty childhood that forced you to grow up before you were allowed a childhood, teen pregnancy, or politics, it doesn’t matter. The point is, people are acting older than they chronologically are and actually developing physiological and mental maladies. Not only does that drive up the cost of healthcare but it also makes you completely unbearable and a burden to those that may have stayed in your life for the long haul.

I was contemplating with a friend at what point I started to feel like an adult and I smugly answered “I still don’t feel like an adult.” I thought about it and even though I go through spells of being tired, feeling old and yucky, I still for the most part feel like I kid and not a 30 year old mother. I still watch massive amounts of cartoons, hang out with friends, listen to music and sing along in the car loudly and with vigor to the annoyance or entertainment of the other drivers around me, and love video games and nerf guns (our family has a cache of several).

So in thinking about this I have discovered that there is a magical cure to staying young, beautiful, and vibrant and avoid becoming the crust that everyone cuts off. I present to you the 3 F’s of youth: Forts, Farts, and Finger Foods. That’s right kids. Let’s take a journey.

Forts – NEVER get old, can be made of ANY materials around the house and are suitable indoors or outdoors, with or without children, and provide hours of fun no matter how old you are.

Farts – I don’t care how old you are, how sophisticated you think you are or what your status is, you fart and it is fucking hilarious. Farts are and will always be funny. Once you admit that truth to yourself, you will unleash a beautiful relationship with your sense of humor that is unpredictable, uninhibited, and taboo, all of the things that make life worth living all thanks to a natural bodily function that is given a bad rep by adults.

Finger Foods – Chicken fingers, wings, sushi, french fries, whatever, if you can eat it sans silverware then it is fun and if it is messy it’s even better! When did it become such an unthinkable act to use your hands to eat? Human beings have the most washable surfaces next to synthetic fibers; it’s ok to get a little dirty.

There it is the secret to youth in an easy, fun size package. Now get the fuck off my lawn.

It seems that we have lost touch with what is considered intelligence and what is complete and utter chaotic bullshit. The rapid decline of intelligence in this and many other countries is not because of a single source but a multitude of complex and intertwining social impairments that are aiding and abetting our technowhorish lifestyles. For instance, people are far more likely to repost someone else’s sensationalized bullshit theories about politics and religion (and likely without reading the entire statement) on a social networking site than they are to legitimately research the subject and actually pose a query or hypothesis on their own. Now let’s not completely demonize the human race, some of you will do some research. However, I am not confident that it ever became acceptable to cite Wikipedia, tmz.com, and fox news as legitimate educational resources. I know if I tried to use any of those as sources in grad school, my ass would be in front of an academic council faster than the panties fly on Jersey Shore. And for those of you quick witted ones out there, yes I capitalized Jersey Shore and not fox news, I actually think Snooki may have more to offer than megyn kelly. Also, we as a culture are far more entertained by televised train wrecks, people in desperate situations, and dramatic tragedies than we are anything with actual substance like oh I don’t know our families? People would rather spend a night watching people’s lives come unglued on camera than spend time with loved ones. Are we so jaded as a culture that we are predisposed to feeding off of the misery of others just to get through our own miserable existences? This is what we have become, hungry for tragedy, feeding off of human suffering, and non-stop complaining about what we are unhappy with but not willing to do much more than bitch about it on facebook and ruin the newsfeeds of otherwise happy and socially lethargic people.

So what can be done to remedy this? For one, watch some real tv. Fuck whacha heard, Discovery channel only uses the really big words sometimes and the programming is really interesting. Also, books only hurt people when they are thrown by another person. If you read one it can only make you a better person. But most importantly, if you are going to open the wormhole into debating on facebook or any other social networking arena with some contrived half-assed opus about government, religion or another dinnertime taboo, remember some key points:

Research your topic – if you just “repost,” depend on fox news, fundamentalist websites, or any other resources that are not obligated to report facts or are strictly opinion based, then you are not only an idiot but will be forever cached in the annuls of the internet as a moron to boot.

Don’t write a check your ass can’t cash – If you can’t argue your points intelligently keep your mouth shut. People will test your knowledge of your topic especially people like myself and the Rev. and we LOVE morons. One surefire way to tell when someone hasn’t researched their argument and has no leg to stand on is when they resort to verbally attacking the person they are debating. When that occurs and out of nowhere you are a n00b and your mom is a whore….you my friend, have won.

Lastly, avoid becoming the victim of Godwin’s Law – If your argument for any debate involves Hitler and Nazi Germany but the context of the argument itself is not about WWII, you have just proven that you either have no common sense of your own, you lack evidence to substantiate any actual evidence of your argument, or you are some kind of sheep to a predetermined cause and at that point we bid adieu.

Maybe someday, after Apple creates and programs our new jesus christ and 5G bible, we will begin to understand what drives us as a population to social insanity. Until then, keep looking forward to Jersday, I am sure someone will pray for you.

so as many many many people (would you say a plethora) of people found out yesterday, my page was suspended, I’ve been running essentially the same site with a name change now and then for about 9 years or more with a few people viewing it, no big deal. yesterday I struck gold, one of my posts hit front page of digg and reddit and it wasn’t specifically catered to do such and what did my host do when I started getting lots of views, suspended my account, so my page is now back to being hosted by the lovely lunarpages whom I have never once had a problem with, and I offer a big FUCK YOU to iPage, lets go over iPage’s hosting and the incident that occurred yesterday shall we?

so my site got hits and they suspended the account for 4 fucking hours, 4!!!, causing any chance of those front page hits to benefit me in any way, several calls and many wasted cell minutes I got my “support ticket” bumped to the highest of priorities, that was within the first 20 mins of downtime, apparently high priority doesn’t mean shit to them, I was frustrated, pissed and tired so I took a nap figuring it would be up when I got up, nope, now 4 hours in I called and talked to a supervisor, or as the hip cool customer service rep referred to him a “suit”, after explaining how thoroughly they fucked me and how I needed access to my files for a hosting transfer he had my site up with one button press, wow, convenient, now lets look at some detailed stuff, here’s the issue that caused it all, yes I took screenshots of the support tickets, I would have snagged the emails as well, but they never sent one, well they did send one which pissed me off but I’ll mention that last:

oh, I see, my scripts are causing a heavy load, oh wait, I see some images in there, lets see, “justiceforkelsey.jpg” let me check that one out quick, 8,239 bytes, yeah that could make sense, that’s a pretty hefty image, oooo, my sig image, that’s gotta be a biggie “hsig.png”, 6,380 bytes yup, another huge one, I gotta start shrinking my image files, what else “wpfooter-trans.png” weighing in at, 3,127 bytes, and the rest is my layout, I suppose iPage’s is best suited for ancient tables, even though they offer wordpress right in the control panel hmmmmm….

ok, so I must have somehow gone over my unlimited bandwidth allowance, and this is what caused me to snag these shots, the supervisor said he wasn’t sure why they shot me down from looking at my bandwidth usage, again, screenshots:

well, definitely not using up my unlimited space or bandwidth, wait, why is there even a meter if it’s unlimited? oh well, lets click the details button

monthly limit on unlimited? WTF? well at least at my current rate I won’t exceed it so, again, why was I shut down? just for having heavy traffic one day?

ok, let’s look at what their hosting plan offer’s to see why I went with them, and remember I needed a host in one night and was low on bank which is why I chose them, should have known better, so here goes:

see, that doesn’t look so bad, free free free, unlimited, all green energy, lets click that view full features button shall we

whats with the question marks and the links for unlimited? well, my main concern is transfer and bandwidth so I’ll click that:

“Transfer refers to the amount of data you can transfer to and from your server. In the web hosting industry, the word "bandwidth" is also used to describe transfer. "Transfer," short for "data transfer," is measured anytime a file is uploaded/downloaded to/from your account.

Every time that file is downloaded/uploaded, the equivalent of the space it takes is subtracted from your remaining transfer. If a file downloaded from your website is 100MB in size, then 100MB of transfer will be deducted from your monthly allowance.”

monthly allowance of unlimited? that sounds a bit fishy, ok, lets check the bandwidth:

“There are no set limits on the disk space or data transfer (bandwidth) that we provide in plans marked "unlimited". We want you to have the resources you need to build a great online presence.

Still, we do need to be sure that we’re providing all of our customers with optimum service. As such, we do require all customers to be fully compliant with our Terms of Service and utilize disk space and bandwidth related to the normal operation of a personal or small business website.

While it is rare, we may need to put constraints on accounts that are adversely affecting other customers or otherwise utilizing or abusing resources beyond what would be expected of a personal or small business website.”

O…K….. so we’re going by your definition of unlimited, see in the world I live in, the really real world unlimited means:

–adjective
1. not limited; unrestricted; unconfined: unlimited trade.
2. boundless; infinite; vast: the unlimited skies.
3. without any qualification or exception; unconditional.

moral of the story, FUCK iPage’s, and be very careful in where you go for hosting, check the wording, I actually did and figured it’s a blog I should have enough bandwidth even if I get bombed since they said they can handle small business sites, seems they can’t, so avoid them and the limited unlimited accounts, enjoy your day

addendum: I apologize, I did forget to mention, the only email I received after my four hour downtime was a coupon for $25 off if I bring a friend of family member over to iPage, but today I just received the reason for my outage which as tech support stated yesterday was supposed to have arrived right when my page when down

i’ll bare my fangs, when fangs need to be bore,
they see my castle as weak, the walls as fragile,
they see it as a time to take my tarnished crown,
the crows always begin to circle at your weakest,
at your weakest you have the least to lose,
when you have the least to lose you lose the most,
and when you come to take what i don’t have you will see what i have,
one by one the cheshire grins will widen behind me,
for the nothing i have is nothing you can hold and nothing you can take,
yet everything i need to destroy you,
now as i struggle down this empty hall,
in the empty castle, with these soulless stones,
with my queen in her silks of shadow holding my weight and moving me onward,
and the innocence of a little one holding the torch to light my way,
you will learn how much nothing can be, and how much of nothing i have,
and how my nothing can hold you at bay

by yours truly

Ok, so by now we all know about the Kanye west incident where he stormed the stage taking the mic and stating, “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!”. Now if you saw the Beyonce video in question, it’s rather horrible, very bland and boring, three girls with rather large backsides just dancing and absolutely nothing else. Anyways, I was in another room playing a videogame during the incident when my fiancee came in and informed me, and said it reminded her of when the Beastie Boys did a similar thing when their video for Sabotage lost out for best director in ‘94.

“That happy-go-lucky R.E.M. ditty "Everybody Hurts" took home four awards, including Moonmen for Breakthrough Video and Best Director. While the band attempted to accept the latter trophy, Nathaniel Hornblower (aka Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys) stormed the stage proclaiming Spike Jonze should have won for directing the Beasties’ "Sabotage." In addition to screaming, "This is an outrage! This is a farce," he also claimed that he had the original idea for Star Wars.”

Today I decided to look at all the winners of the 2009 VMA’s and to my surprise what was on the list, none other then Sabotage, “Best Video (That Should Have Won A Moonman): ‘Beastie Boys – Sabotage’ .“ Just seems a bit coincidental to me that the night Kanye pulls a move just like Adam Yauch of the the Beastie boys does that the Sabotage video wins. Almost like while they were planning it they remembered the Sabotage incident and said hey, lets give that an award as well. But hey, it could just be me.