Ægrus Somnium

the notorious bounty hunter, i’m sure everyone has seen the show by now or at least knows who the fuck he is, i watch the show when i catch it on, as long as something i wanna watch isn’t on at the same time, sorry dog, your show is good, but not that good, if you haven’t seen the show picture it this way, the show cops always shows police busting white trash, now imagine white trash busting white trash and you have dog, now i have nothing against him and think he does good work, but this is the real world and appearance does matter, first impressions are based on appearance, and don’t give me the bullshit “blah blah blah so and so’s intelligence is what drew me to them” yeah, you full of shit, you wouldn’t have gotten close enough to even see the personality or intelligence if they weren’t pleasing on the eye, for example i present to you brian peppers

now any normal person wouldn’t get close enough to that to see what they are really like, me on the other hand, something about those seductive eyes makes me want to lick the salt from them… ignore that, anyways, he’s a perfect example of appearance making a big difference, now back to dog, so he’s a great bounty hunter and got awarded for helping remove “ice” from the streets, that part confused me, he’s a bounty hunter, can only remove people that jump bail, so technically he’s not doing anything other then his job, just so happens that everyone he’s after is breaking bond by doing drugs, what luck, unless he does other shit they don’t air, but i see him more of going home, grabbing a beer and getting the crimping on his mullet perfect for the next day of filming, again, i get off track a bit, my reason for this writing is what bothers me about him and that is his white trash look, i’m sure he has money, succesful bail bonds service and a succesful television show, yet he still looks identical to how he used to, his general appearance is a vest, no shirt, cowboy boots, a pompadour mullet, and feathers or shells hanging from his hair, here be some pics for those who don’t know him

look at that fucking majestic mullet, words can barely describe its beauty, the length, the crimped look in a lot of cases, thats stuff can only be maintained with careful nurturing and compassion, and that pompadour looks simply dangerous, its comes to a fucking spike, can you imagine being hunted down by dog and as your hiding one of the first things you see as he rounds the corner is that spike, it foreshadows doom and strikes fear into bail jumpers hearts, as for his appearal, the vest could do better with a shirt, no need to show thats saggy leasthery man boobs to the world, the boots need to go, he mentioned in one episode how he can’t really run in them, wow, smart idea, chasing criminals in boots you can’t run in, then he always has these hair decorations hanging from his hair, not sure what they are, kinda remind me of some indian style, which tends to match some of his jackets, again, don’t know what thats about, he supposed to be part indian or something?, i think he needs a new look, like, spiked hair, combat cargo pants, black of course, combat boots/docs, some kind of shirt, anything please, and one of those swat vests, then he’d look the part he portrays, the way he is now i can just picture being chased by him, you hear him scream your name, drop your crack pipe and take off fucking running, sweat pouring down your face as your heart pounds through your chest, you know that being caught will mean going back to jail and you can’t do that again, you look over your shoulder to see how close they are and you see it, you see him, dog, chasing you down, slowly, he’s trying to run your down in heeled boots and isn’t doing such a good job, then you almost stumble as you chickle slightly seeing the bright hawain shirt, nearly as bright as the setting sun behind it, then you lose all control as you see the mullet billowing out blocking out the son behind him, bam, the distraction worked, his sons tackle you from the side and you get a face full of mace, yet the tears you cry are of joy for being one of the few to see the majestic mullet in full flowing glory… you know, maybe he should keep the style, seem’s like it would work rather well, great distraction method, i also strongly believe his wife should have a massive breast reduction, it’s to the pount of being grotesque, i’m surprised she even has the ability to walk and isn’t all hunched over with back problems, i wonder if the seats in the cars they drive had to be custom made to allow her to fit , ok, i’m bored now