Ægrus Somnium

isn’t my vacant tooth hole damn sexy, don’t you just wanna stick your tongue in the void and lick it, c’mon, you know ya wanna

ok, so i got really tired of using condoms and we’ve both agreed on only having one kid so i set out in search of another method aside from getting my boys snipped and i stumbled on this little device called an iud. i called a doctors office and the assholes must not accept my insurance because they just hung up on me, pricks, so next best thing, the almighty ebay. i ordered myself an iud and figured this couldn’t be to hard to do, and yes, i read all the sellers reviews and he had 50,000+ sales and 98.8 rating so he is a very trusted seller so i felt more then safe ordering it. this is the one i purchased (photo taken from his ebay page:

can’t remember the company that put it out, but it doesn’t really matter, now i understand that these kill sperm on contact or something to that effect so in order for them to work the sperm must come in contact with them so sensible way that it could work is to be inserted into my urethra, and looking at the thing and with just a little common sense you can tell the arms flex down and it has a string to remove it once its time frame runs out (which to my understanding is like 5 years or something). ok, so first of all, this thing was fucking painful as hell to insert, make sure your not flapping in the breeze or it’s not going in, and it felt like it was tearing all the way in, thats when things felt wrong, the thing had no give so thats portion stayed stiff. when i needed to urinate it burned and bled bad, aside from that i had to force it out due to the thing nearly plugging my urethra shut, imagine back to when you where a kid and played with a hose, you’d put your thumb over the end to get more pressure and spray it further, it’s kinda like that, so now i literally have no aim and there’s bloody urine splatters all over the wall until i find out which direction it’s coming out and can then aim. now the very worst part, it’s fucking stuck, the arm’s are like fucking fish hooks, like an anchor, sure they flexed down to go in but its like and umbrella it can go up a chimney down but can’t go down a chimney up, it’s horrible, i tried a quick tug and nearly passed out and bled horribly for a while. i’m a bit embarrassed to go to the doctors, i’m thinking maybe a twisting motion as i pull may keep the arms at bay, i’m really not sure, or maybe a straw to slide up around it thats slightly wider and perhaps it’ll go around the arms, either way fucking avoid these things and just stick with a condom, who the fuck invented this death trap, jesus.

Ok, so by now we all know about the Kanye west incident where he stormed the stage taking the mic and stating, “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!”. Now if you saw the Beyonce video in question, it’s rather horrible, very bland and boring, three girls with rather large backsides just dancing and absolutely nothing else. Anyways, I was in another room playing a videogame during the incident when my fiancee came in and informed me, and said it reminded her of when the Beastie Boys did a similar thing when their video for Sabotage lost out for best director in ‘94.

“That happy-go-lucky R.E.M. ditty "Everybody Hurts" took home four awards, including Moonmen for Breakthrough Video and Best Director. While the band attempted to accept the latter trophy, Nathaniel Hornblower (aka Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys) stormed the stage proclaiming Spike Jonze should have won for directing the Beasties’ "Sabotage." In addition to screaming, "This is an outrage! This is a farce," he also claimed that he had the original idea for Star Wars.”

Today I decided to look at all the winners of the 2009 VMA’s and to my surprise what was on the list, none other then Sabotage, “Best Video (That Should Have Won A Moonman): ‘Beastie Boys – Sabotage’ .“ Just seems a bit coincidental to me that the night Kanye pulls a move just like Adam Yauch of the the Beastie boys does that the Sabotage video wins. Almost like while they were planning it they remembered the Sabotage incident and said hey, lets give that an award as well. But hey, it could just be me.

"The 2009 Toys"R"Us Toy Guide for Differently-Abled Kids has arrived!", how many damn pc terms do we need, this one doesn’t even make sense to me, differently-abled? "I was born with no arms, but I’m not handicap, I’m differently-abled" Really? so what are you so able to do? you seem less-abled, "little jimmy was born severely retarded, he can’t even breathe on his own, but he’s not retarded, he’s differently-abled, ah, I see, he’s able to shit his pants and not know it, lucky little bastard, if I shit my pants I’d be ashamed. Wait, now I figured it out, this special ability is no shame, now it makes sense, , now I think I’m kinda jealous, I want to be Differently-Abled so I can do anything and get away with it. Either way what happened to terms like special needs and handicapped I thought they we’re perfectly PC, when did they become so insulting, hell, back when my mother worked with the little tards it was in the handbook that is was acceptable to call them idiots and such, but suddenly everyone has everyone has rights, even if they are mutants, remember people, some of them, the down syndrome kids have an extra chromosome and we covered this, more is better, they are superior, they just haven’t come to realize their powers and take over the world yet, and when they do you’ll regret all the waterhead comments.

so….yeah… i really don’t know what to think of this anymore, i’ve seen it several times and just caught this part a couple days ago and now it’s just really creepy and disturbing, what kind of antics go on in this factory. Now i would never buy one of their computers in the first place anyways, but from the looks of what’s going on her you may get a little special treat on your comp, maybe some mammal sauce, or some short and curly’s, who knows, now you watch it and if you don’t see it read on

ok, so if you didn’t catch it, the commercial starts with a black guy standing there in the dark and putting his helmet back on and starting to sing the lollipop song, the lights then come on and a white guy stands up right next to him and is finishing putting his pants/overalls back on, the look at each other, smile and the black guy gives a little nod, so what exactly were they doing, and the song just makes it that much worse