Ægrus Somnium

ok, so harold camping is at it once again, instead of admitting he was just a crazy old man he changed the date of rapture to the date the world was supposed to end and says that we’re all being judged from the original date (may 21st, 6pm) until then, I love people like him, they make the world fun. now I have an idea to make the world fun for him, well, even more fun since I’m sure in his head it’s a fucking blast, so here’s the plan, he said the error was in his calculations, yet again, so what I think we should do is all go to our local dollar store and buy a cheapo calculator and mail it to him so he gets bombarded with calculators to help him get the proper date once the rapture doesn’t come in october, or maybe he can calculate it properly before the october date and give us a real date, below is a copy of a letter that can be copied and sent with the calculator along with the address to his radio station:

———————————————————————————————————-

Dear Mr. Camping,

    I am a devout Christian who says my daily prayers and attends church weekly, I also listen to your broadcast via the web as often as possible, I fear for my immortal soul and those of my friends and family as well. I fear that we may not be prepared on the day of judgment and am doing everything possible to insure my family’s salvation such as living as meagerly as possible. All excess money that comes into our household is donated to our local church branches to help those in need and we do not rely heavily on technology since we believe science to be a sin brought about by the devil to lure us away from the one true lord, amen. On two separate occasions now we have sat together as a family praying waiting for the rapture only to feel we have done something mortally wrong, thank the Lord it wasn’t time for the true rapture. My wife, my now grown children, and myself truly believe in your cause and wish to know of the true judgment day and hope this might help, may the Lord bless you and protect you forever in his holy light.

Blessed in God’s Divine Light,

———————————————————————————————————-

Family Stations Inc.
290 Hegenberger Rd.
Oakland, CA 94621
attn. Harold Camping

there, that should be horribly tacky enough, if you want to join the cause to help camping get a correct rapture date and mail off a calculator to the address above, feel free to copy that letter and sign your name or some bogus ass name below the “Blessed in God’s Divine Light,” line, and if you have any friends with enough humor to do so as well send them this page, or email the content or whatever you choose to do, lets see if we can give the poor guy a hand , enjoy

Addendum: there is also now a facebook event for this, join the fun: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=169077369818518

• another fallacy added to the list
• close minded fucks
• bigotry
• emo fags
• sissy pants
• nascar
• human race in general
• war
• poverty
• american gov’t
• gerbils
• religion

I’m just bored I suppose, don’t you love how I put close minded, and bigotry in there and put all the stuff I hate lol, the truth is yeah I do hate and/or dislike many things but I don’t force my opinion down people throats, if your religious and you believe more power to you, I may think your absolutely wrong and say so here but I’m not chasing you down and forcing it upon you, I don’t run out and beat up an emo boy wearing sissy pants(skin tight girl pants), though I must admit, I do laugh at that sight, but those are my opinions and mine alone I suppose, your just wrong and going to hell for not believing them, that’s your choice though and I hate you for not conforming to whatever whim I may have, feel free to comment with things that I left off the list, there are a lot more

it is the eve of the rapture and there is some very important stuff that should be known, and I feel I should be the one to tell those who don’t know, you know, being an ordained reverend and all it’s my place to do so. ok, so before tomorrow comes and you just sitting around talking to a friend and the clock strikes six and poof he’s gone, you should understand whats supposed to be going on,  this is to the best of my knowledge anyways, at 6pm, not sure what time zone god is going by here, is it still god or are we still throwing god out the window and saying jesus is a schizophrenic and his own father who yelled to himself while nailed to the cross? anyways, back on track, at 6pm all the non sinners, maybe even light sinners will poof and be whooshed away to the promised land and the sinners will remain for five more months until oct. 21 when god blows up the earth and universe, so all of you people stuck with me get to fucking rock out and party like its, well, not like, til the end of the world, rock on!, so here’s a list you NEED to read to be prepared

1. tonight and most of tomorrow, or at least from 5:30pm to 6 pray to all known gods, get a list from wiki it’s the most reliable source, why all, because every religion says it’s right and you DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RAPTURE!

2. wear clean underwear, you don’t know where the fuck you going, you want to be presentable, bring an extra pair as well in case you shit yourself during the “whooshing”

3. harold camping who predicted the rapture will happen tomorrow predicted it would also happen in Sept. of ‘94 so if you really hold any faith in this and believe him and really honestly think he’s right then guess what, he was probably right back in ‘94 and we’re all sinners stuck here and he can’t handle the fact he was one of us sinners, which explains the new date, he’s hoping for a mulligan

now, my belief is that he accidently drank from the kool-aid meant for his followers before predicting this instead of drinking from his glass of water, but that’s just me, rev. halo signing off

addendum: i forgot to mention this, in camping’s rapture prediction, if someone died before the day of rapture, you will not be affected by the judgment, so the day of judgment finally comes but fuck off, you died too soon you dumb ass, you stay dead

so as I was getting out of the shower I was thinking of what to wear today, shorts or pants, it’s a bit chilly, then a shirt came to mind, my Clockwork Orange based “Moloko Vellocet” shirt, and then I started thinking about how so many people dislike the film and how they’re decision to dislike the film is mislead in a way, yeah that’s how my mind bounces around, but here’s why people are mislead. like, hoy shit I used a period, ok, anyways, like most movies they are based on bookies, so was A Clockwork Orange by Kubrick, by herein lies the problem his movie was based on the american version of the book NOT the true version of the book, the true version of the book has 21 chapters, the american version has 20, when the book came to america they decided to remove the last chapter to better suit the american audience, every other place in the world that got the book had the full book, now if you’ve seen the movie and not read the book, or read the book before we got the revised edition you know it ends with Alex still up to his old games, in the real ending his with his new “Droogs” and see’s his old gang grown up and moved on and realizes his wasted his whole life destroying things and people, and just gets up and leaves trying to think of how to move on and change, he finally get’s it and wants to live a real life, a bit  of a turn around for old Alex and a bit of remorse if you look, to me anyways, so there is your misconception, you were mislead because publishers in the states didn’t want america to have him grow up and change in the end

now, something a bit deeper about the ending, america is shit now, excuse me for saying so but let me explain, we coddle everyone now, kids can’t play games someone wins because another’s feelings may get hurt, no playing cops and robbers and making a gun out of your fingers in kindergarten, that may lead to a life of crime, wear pillows on the sides of your head in case you fall and go boom, now look at the way it was when that book came out in the 60’s, they took out the fucking chapter where he learns his lesson and left him as a villain, a rapist killer because america would like it better, I’m not saying that’s what we need but when did everything need to be pre-chewed and spit in our mouths so we shouldn’t choke