Ægrus Somnium

i would like to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving but also remember to be careful, i lost a good friend a few years back on this day, due to his carelessness. there’s just simple steps you should take, a few simple things to remember, THE RULES ARE DIFFERENT FOR ZOMBIE TURKEYS!!!!! sadly my friend forgot this, he knew the basics, keep your eyes opened, never go into a building that doesn’t have at least 3 more exits, don’t just carry a gun bring a machete (i have a machete but tend to use a full tang sword most of the time, i like style points). now turkeys rising on thanksgiving happens quite often, would you like to be butchered en masse with friends and family, then suffer the shame of being stripped and paraded down conveyor belts naked, while your friends and family, and your friends friends and family are suffering the same fate all around you, just to be air tight packaged, unwrapped and tossed in an oven at some assholes house, fuck no. ok, back to the topic at hand, my friend left his machete out with his gear in the truck and only had his gun on him, in some cases this could be all right, plenty of exits out, but ONE FUCKING PROBLEM turkeys you buy HAVE NO FUCKING HEADS how you gonna aim for NO FUCKING HEAD. so this thanksgiving day please be sure to keep a blade handy, a machete, a meat cleaver, in my case my katana, well actually probably my machete, hard to swing the katana in the kitchen. now if that little bastard rises they are quick and they use their weight as a weapon, 20+ pounds flying at your head is no fun so ruin it’s day with a blade, you need to hack the shit out of it, get it’s wings off, get it’s legs off, stop it’s mobility as soon as possible. now some people still choose to eat them, i highly, HIGHLY, advise against this, it’s fucking infected meat, granted there’s no blood but still, anyway, i recommend taking it out back and burning it all or a garbage disposal, something to completely decimate the remains. so remember be careful and have a safe thanksgiving.