Ægrus Somnium

or A lesson in home Dentistry

last night was dorkfest and i had some friends over for the event, wouldn’t be dorkfest without company now would it, now the woman bought us some beverages and some snacks, for the snacks i asked her to snag a big bag of nacho doritos, she opted for cool ranch because thats what she prefers and we should have what she wants even if she’s not eating them, right?….. right??, ayways thats when i made the ill fated comment and stated to all who would listen that i’d have preferred the nacho variety as opposed to this ranch she brought home and from that moment on i was cursed, it was only a matter of time until i would feel the wrath of Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd, very little is known of Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd yet I felt it was necessary to dig into his sordid past and let all know of Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd, for Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd was the one and only Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd and should be known to all, this all takes place centuries ago in 1966, you see Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd was a devout cheese eater, he ate straight up bricks of cheese day in and day out, along with the occasional jalapeno and of course he washed it all down with tequila, many times people would offer him different varities of food which he would raise his nose two, on one occasion a mexican peasent came before him and offered him a meager hand full of broken tortilla shells, Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd rudely turned his back to the peasent and scoffed the loudest, rudest of scoffs he could manage, the scoff had so much force that it caused a fart to squeeze out, due to his steady diet of cheese this cloud of methane was heavily laden with a fine cheese mist which coated the peasents hands and the tortilla shells within, the peasent ran off thoughly embarrased at this and all he had left to show for it was a soiled dinner and orange hands, and being a peasent he couldn’t just throw away this meal because it may be his only for that whole month, at first he was apprehensive about eating the soiled tortillas but after long delayed nibble he was delighted by a flavor explosion in his mouth, soon he finished off all the chips and went forth with the knowledge of how to create such an exquisite delicacy, as can be expected Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd was pissed and swore a curse on the peasent, from that day forth no matter how much the now rich non peasent wiped his hands he always had a cheesy coating on his fingertips, from that day forth each bag of doritos carries with it the curse of Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd, so be wary when endulging in such a treat, and to insult them brings the curse that much faster, ou may be asking, why mr. halo sir, why would he curse us for cursing the product that he created and was uncredited for, because he’s fucking angry, thats why

enough of the history lesson, back on topic, today i experienced this curse first hand, i was hungry this morning and passed by the bag of ranch doritos, being unaware of such a curse i was enjoying eating them when it happend, the curse struck me completely unaware, as i bit down onto a small portion of chips i hit something hard which cause my tooth to break, and a molar at that, of course i got angry at this very unfortunate turn of events, something so pleasent going oh so wrong in the small time it took to get a few chews, now first thing i did was i began looking for dentist to fix my broken appendage, are teeth appendages?, anyways this was becoming very troublesome, and while in mid call i see my daughter jump from the couch to the coffe table, she’s been warned many times not to behave in such a primitive way, but today she learned the hard way, she was taught a lesson, as was i, at the hands of Inigo Montoya Dorito Sanchez Jr. the 3rd, she landed right atop the chip back which slid out from under he foot with what can only be considered a gleeful crunching noise, and she landed hard, now two of us in one day, this was becoming a very bad day in a very short time, while researching i came upon the curse and all was known, but my tooth was still broken

now i needed to fix my tooth, so here’s a nice home dentistry lesson for all, and it requires the most minimal or tools, here’s what you will need:

1 broken tooth

1 metal file

1 small flashlight
1 mirror
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
moderate intelligence
(very important)

now keep in mind, this isn’t massive dental work, i just it to get me through til i can see a real dentist, but the tooth was sharp and cutting my tongue, basically this is simple, you need to clean the file nice and good, no need and using a dirty one, unless your really really manly, and the small flashlight is just so you can see, so if you have lights above your mirror then that works as well, i used a led flashlight, basically just locate your tooth and fucking file away til it’s not all sharp and jagged, isn’t that great, a nice big build up and needed items for one simple step, also i’d recomend doing a good brushing afterwards just to clean away and of the filings