Ægrus Somnium

Too many people our age act like they should be our parent or grandparents’ ages. Blame it on the economy, blame it on a shitty childhood that forced you to grow up before you were allowed a childhood, teen pregnancy, or politics, it doesn’t matter. The point is, people are acting older than they chronologically are and actually developing physiological and mental maladies. Not only does that drive up the cost of healthcare but it also makes you completely unbearable and a burden to those that may have stayed in your life for the long haul.

I was contemplating with a friend at what point I started to feel like an adult and I smugly answered “I still don’t feel like an adult.” I thought about it and even though I go through spells of being tired, feeling old and yucky, I still for the most part feel like I kid and not a 30 year old mother. I still watch massive amounts of cartoons, hang out with friends, listen to music and sing along in the car loudly and with vigor to the annoyance or entertainment of the other drivers around me, and love video games and nerf guns (our family has a cache of several).

So in thinking about this I have discovered that there is a magical cure to staying young, beautiful, and vibrant and avoid becoming the crust that everyone cuts off. I present to you the 3 F’s of youth: Forts, Farts, and Finger Foods. That’s right kids. Let’s take a journey.

Forts – NEVER get old, can be made of ANY materials around the house and are suitable indoors or outdoors, with or without children, and provide hours of fun no matter how old you are.

Farts – I don’t care how old you are, how sophisticated you think you are or what your status is, you fart and it is fucking hilarious. Farts are and will always be funny. Once you admit that truth to yourself, you will unleash a beautiful relationship with your sense of humor that is unpredictable, uninhibited, and taboo, all of the things that make life worth living all thanks to a natural bodily function that is given a bad rep by adults.

Finger Foods – Chicken fingers, wings, sushi, french fries, whatever, if you can eat it sans silverware then it is fun and if it is messy it’s even better! When did it become such an unthinkable act to use your hands to eat? Human beings have the most washable surfaces next to synthetic fibers; it’s ok to get a little dirty.

There it is the secret to youth in an easy, fun size package. Now get the fuck off my lawn.