Ægrus Somnium

it is the eve of the rapture and there is some very important stuff that should be known, and I feel I should be the one to tell those who don’t know, you know, being an ordained reverend and all it’s my place to do so. ok, so before tomorrow comes and you just sitting around talking to a friend and the clock strikes six and poof he’s gone, you should understand whats supposed to be going on,  this is to the best of my knowledge anyways, at 6pm, not sure what time zone god is going by here, is it still god or are we still throwing god out the window and saying jesus is a schizophrenic and his own father who yelled to himself while nailed to the cross? anyways, back on track, at 6pm all the non sinners, maybe even light sinners will poof and be whooshed away to the promised land and the sinners will remain for five more months until oct. 21 when god blows up the earth and universe, so all of you people stuck with me get to fucking rock out and party like its, well, not like, til the end of the world, rock on!, so here’s a list you NEED to read to be prepared

1. tonight and most of tomorrow, or at least from 5:30pm to 6 pray to all known gods, get a list from wiki it’s the most reliable source, why all, because every religion says it’s right and you DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RAPTURE!

2. wear clean underwear, you don’t know where the fuck you going, you want to be presentable, bring an extra pair as well in case you shit yourself during the “whooshing”

3. harold camping who predicted the rapture will happen tomorrow predicted it would also happen in Sept. of ‘94 so if you really hold any faith in this and believe him and really honestly think he’s right then guess what, he was probably right back in ‘94 and we’re all sinners stuck here and he can’t handle the fact he was one of us sinners, which explains the new date, he’s hoping for a mulligan

now, my belief is that he accidently drank from the kool-aid meant for his followers before predicting this instead of drinking from his glass of water, but that’s just me, rev. halo signing off

addendum: i forgot to mention this, in camping’s rapture prediction, if someone died before the day of rapture, you will not be affected by the judgment, so the day of judgment finally comes but fuck off, you died too soon you dumb ass, you stay dead